In this story I begin the use of the acronym, “G.T.A.F.” which stands for “got tricked, ate food”.

 

I actually first heard this term used by someone on their blog when I first was having issues with coping with the fact of not eating. I’ll link the blog post I found it from here: https://findingmymiracle.com/2016/02/09/when-you-cant-eat-part-one-the-facts/ ).

 

I began having my stomach grumble during classes and it especially occurred in the evening.

 

It began once I started changing to my non-lipid bags because those bags didn’t contain fats.

 

Since then, my stomach still grumbles even today (just less).

 

Anyways, back to the story,

 

On February 6th, I had a moment where I suddenly had a hunger craving which meant my brain was suddenly wanting food urgently and I then started having my stomach grumble. My sense of smell had been SUPER heightened since stopping eating back in August, but it was practically smelling everything in my kitchen from my bedroom.

 

I was trying to continue doing my homework, but the craving was so strong that I couldn’t hold back, so, I went into my kitchen and started looking.

 

I kept grabbing things and smelling them, which was pretty weird but luckily my roommate wasn’t home from work yet-lol.

 

I grabbed some baby food that I had in my pantry from months ago (when I was able to eat) and tried some of the non-expired ones.

 

I was bummed that all of them were so “sweet-tasting”. I really wanted a vegetable flavored one.

 

I first tried a lick of the apple and carrot, then a lick of vegetables and pear, and then 2 licks of apple and broccoli because that one tasted and smelled the best.

Since I was still wanting savory, I grabbed some table salt and poured it on my finger and licked it- better.

 

My body was craving more food and began shaking just from the psychological reaction of having some of it. The shaking was the kind of shaking that happens when you’re really starving and need  food. It was pretty uncomfortable because I just wanted to open the fridge and eat a hamburger, or a steak, ooh or a sandwich with turkey and a side of pickles….

 

AHH,

 

I’m getting distracted…. Where was I…

 

Ah yes, the hunger cravings.

 

I luckily remained fairly unscathed and had a minor flare later in the evening which then coined me using the term G.T.A.F.

 

I did in fact have to let my roommate know when they got home, that I did in fact, “get tricked, [and] ate food”.

 

February 7th, I arrived home from my classes and once again had that hunger craving for something “heavier” that would satisfy my craving. So, I thought of peanut butter.

 

My previous roommate had a squeezable version of peanut butter which I figured would be better to use since I could control more of the amount I was taking in (because we all know I would’ve taken spoonsful of peanut butter out of the jar otherwise).

 

I once again G.T.A.F., and took my time eating 2 little dollops/sections of peanut butter on a spoon.

 

The taste was impeccable- given, I hadn’t eaten anything in so long that rice would’ve been impeccable.

 

It unfortunately did cause more digestive issues because there was a bit more to peanut butter as compared to candy, but the taste was making it difficult for me to give it up just yet.

 

My fatigue continued to worsen into the next day with me having to hold onto the railings in the hallway of the hospital as I took standing breaks.

 

I had another spoon with some peanut butter on it for the day which was the time I was always most excited for.

 

At 11:21p.m. that evening my stomach was grumbling because it knew that peanut butter was sitting in the pantry in the next room…

 

I got a call the following day from hematology saying I did not have the acute intermittent porphyria gene, but they wanted to run a panel for all of the other porphyria genes. -I told them I’d talk to them about it at another time.

 

February 9th, I began upping my peanut butter spoon intake because once again the flavor is just too tough to beat, and I yearned for something savory.

 

I began having 4 peanut butter spoons (a line of peanut butter on a spoon) and would take about 10-20 minutes to eat each one to savor the flavor.

 

On February 10th and 11th I went back down to 2 spoons of peanut butter because I was busier during the day but I lived the consequences for reintroducing food into my diet because in the evenings I had to sleep upright again with the heavy levels of acid reflux I was getting (even on all of my acid reducers!!). So much acid up into my nose :-( .

 

February 12th, I started watching a new series on Netflix which was pretty good, but my peanut butter companion was no longer satisfying my hunger craving.

 

My body wanted more… much more…

Read what happens next in, “Egg the Size of A Cheerio…”

*I also have an article in Advice & Thoughts which goes into more of the psychology behind hunger while being fully nourished. It’s titled “My Thoughts On the Psychology of Long Term Hunger Cravings”.